Meaningless

I feel a bit overwhelmed. God has been on my mind so much the past few weeks. My thoughts are constantly on Him and what my response has been to His teachings. His commands.

I have struggled with my salvation. When did I receive it? I was saved and baptized at a very young age. It was my decision, but I remember little else of it. Was I saved then? Did it mean anything?

After much thought and counsel, I believe the answer is yes. I’ve never felt apart from God, since that decision so many years ago. There are times when I felt like He wasn’t listening, but I’ve never felt separated from Him, if that makes sense. That’s sort of ironic, isn’t it? Feeling like God isn’t listening? How many times have I completely ignored Him? And yet, I would dare complain of not being heard? Ridiculous.

I believe when someone accepts Christ, he/she receives the Holy Spirit. And I have that. What a gift! I know I must have it, and must have had it all these years, because it has influenced my decisions in so many ways. I’m not saying I’ve never had a fault since. Trust me, I have. But if I wasn’t saved at that young age, I wouldn’t have Christ at the center of so many of my thoughts and actions. Again, I’m not perfect. I have not always done as God would have me do, but I do believe I’m His child and He is guiding me, correcting me as a stumble, setting me again and again on the path He has placed before me. That’s my faith. I’m His. I cannot fathom rejecting Him. I cannot imagine why anyone would, and I pray those persons have a change of heart soon. God is a loving God, but let us not forget He is also a just God. We cannot expect our sins to be overlooked. Nothing we do is a secret to God, though we may try our best to hide in the darkness. He is the light. Darkness cannot outrun Him. We cannot be one step ahead. We cannot fool God. To think the opposite, we fool ourselves.

Who am I? I’m a single, educated church-going woman with a nice job and a nice home. I’m a law-abiding citizen. I don’t litter, steal, or kill people. I’m generally considered (by most) a nice girl. Would you like me to list all of my accomplishments? Well, there’s…

Oh wait. You don’t care. And why should you? It’s all meaningless. Few people care about anything I do and one day I’ll soon be forgotten. No one will know what kind of car I drove, whether I wore nice clothes or had straight teeth or how much money I made. None of it will matter. It will all be dust, myself included.

And yet, how much effort do I put into all of that? How eager am I to show off my skills or talents? How much do I want the world to know every wonderful thing about me or every nice thing I’ve done. Look at me! I’m somebody!

People work so hard to make a legacy for themselves. To be remembered. To have all their hard work mean something. People want to be noticed for their good deeds, typically. I’m in that category! I’m guilty of wanting a pat on the back. But the more I read God’s word…the more I realize how small I am. The more I realize how big He is.

I don’t think God looks down on me for enjoying life. But I do think He has a problem with my thinking this is “the” life. That all of my energy should be focused on worldly pleasures…things that don’t last. God has blessed me with wonderful family and friends. I have a nice job and am able to afford a nice place to stay. But if I don’t have a relationshp with Him….if I ignore His hand in my life…none of it means anything. I could be the nicest, most considerate person anyone has ever met. But without God, what a waste my life has been. What a lonely, sad, pathetic life to go day from day ignoring one’s Creator. Ignoring a greater calling. Ignoring an obvious truth. There is more to life than man-made dreams and aspirations. You think you have it good now? Or that you’ve got it all figured out? Imagine what God sees. Imagine what God could do if you would just let Him.

I have such a heavy heart right now. I want my thoughts to be His thoughts, my ways to be His ways. Pray for me.

 

thoughts.

I have a lot on my mind. I’m not sure how to sort out each thought and I’m sure this will just come off as rambling. I used to express myself more/better. I’ve been reading a book about a poet…I guess that’s inspired me to do a little more thinking than usual.

I have an idea for a scripture picture. I got it at church last night…something my preacher said. It should be good. Or good for me. Hm. I’m just going to go on a thought splurge, for now.

I think I want so much that I don’t know what I want at all.

I am more prideful than I care to admit. It’s a sin.

I think men should be men and women should be women. They each have a God-given role to play.

God loves us. That does not make him tolerant. “Love” does not mean “do whatever you want.” That’s pretty simple, but a lot of people don’t get it.

My wisdom is not greater than God’s. No man’s thoughts are higher than his. God says no to something that gives you pleasure? Some sinful desire? Deal with it. He is God. Not you. You answer to him. Who are we to think we know any better? This world is inclined to think that they are so much wiser, know so much more….they don’t like what God says so they say something else. Anything else. Anything to avoid the responsibility. Anything to avoid obvious truth.

And you know…I might understand why people rebel, why people hate, why people loathe anything where God is concerned…if God was a hateful, cruel God. But from my understanding, from what I’ve read in the Bible…God wants what is best for us. He gives us commands that, if we follow, will only do us good. He teaches us to love others. He desires us to have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Heaven forbid! Does that seem like an awful God to you? Oh wait. It’s the tolerance thing. God isn’t tolerating your desires, your needs…your “born this way” attitude. Maybe because whatever desire it is you have is a direct insult, a contradiction to the fruits we need to have to best serve God and others. Hm. Maybe?

I’m sick of sin. I’m sick of the way it eats at the soul. The way it separates me from God. This life is too short to dwell on ourselves. We are called to such a higher purpose than that.

Anywho. Sorry for my ramblings. This is more directed at myself than anyone else.

 

Matthew 28:2-6

“There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.’“

- Matthew 28: 2-6

Great news, huh?

I hope to be reminded of it throughout the entirety of my Easter Sunday and however many days God blesses me with afterwards. I have been stressed a lot the past few months, so much that I have tended to overlook what really matters…what’s most important.

Love God. Love people. Be thankful. Be an example. Always follow Him.

It’s not easy. It’s not always fun. But one look at the cross shows that we shouldn’t expect it to be.

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter!

Just an update

I just have an update. 

No scripture. No picture.

Well, not a scripture picture.

The picture from today is one from a senior portrait session I did this past Saturday. This was one of my favorites.

Anywho. I’m a busy girl lately. A busy, somewhat sad girl!

I’m overwhelmed with school responsibilities right now, and am at the point where I just don’t think I can handle it anymore. I keep telling myself it’s just about 3 more weeks. Three more weeks. This past weekend was a bad one. I think it was the lowest point I’ve been in a while.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful family. They catered to my every need this weekend without my having to ask. They even bought me a ton of groceries! Oh, and my mom cleaned my apartment for me. I love them so much!

Anywho, I’m about to get back to some school stuff. I’ve got “The Return of the King” playing on blu-ray for some background noise. I love the LOTR films. I can still remember going to see them countless times in theaters. Such an encouraging story.

“This is just a mere spot in all of eternity”

 

 

I love…

Photos.

Looking at them. Taking them. Editing them. Sharing them.

I love finding beauty in my surroundings, in places most would pass by without a second a glance.

I love going on photo trips…exploring places that once seemed ordinary and coming to understand that God can make anything/one beautiful. There’s so much we miss. So much we don’t see.

psalm 91:11

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.- Psalm 91:11

I’m sort of cheating I guess. This isn’t a random Bible verse that challenged me to find the perfect picture to represent it. I took this picture on a random photo trip and it reminded me of Psalm 91:11, so I decided to post it. I know, I know. I need be less lazy and more creative, but I really wanted to post this.

I took a few different shots of this statue at different angles, and I specifically remember thinking, “this is the one” as I snapped the final shot of what you see on your screen. In the back of my head I thought this image might turn out to be special, and I think I was right.

Granted, I don’t think it’s amazing or anything. I’m actually surprised that it’s gotten the most responses out of others I posted of today. I almost didn’t take the time to really get a nice shot of it (freezing outside today), but I’m glad I did. It seems the images I have the least concern for turn out to be some of the better ones. Eventually, most become personal favorites.

This image reminds me of one of my Bibles that an ex boyfriend gave me years ago (um, 8 years ago…wow.) He had a woman write this verse in calligraphy in the front of it, and I thought it was so cool. I still have that Bible. I don’t use it, though. I have a lot of Bibles I don’t use, but hate to part with for various reasons. Hm. I should probably sort through them again.

I’m so sleepy. I should have been in bed hours ago. I am not a morning person and I despise waking up early. I’m hoping that will change at some point. My guess is that going to bed earlier might help.

So, goodnight, sleep tight…don’t let the old hag bite.

My Chicken Salad Sandwich

This is not a scripture picture update.

I just had a thought while sitting here eating the remains of my chicken salad sandwich, and I wanted to post it before I forgot.

I’ve never liked chicken salad. The thought of it has always seemed pretty gross to me. Granted, I’ve never been a huge fan of “salad” things (pasta salad, macaroni salad, potato salad, seven layer salad, etc). However, my taste buds have been changing over the past few years, so I’m at least willing to try new things more often than I have been in the past.

So, I tried some chicken salad at some place in Starkville a few weeks ago. It was pretty good. Good enough that I didn’t feel gross eating it, even though the texture was sort of hard to get used to. But anyway, I ate at Front Door Back Door in Columbus not too long after that, and decided to try their chicken salad. Well, I thought I’d literally died and gone to heaven (ok not really), but it was possibly one of the best sandwiches I’ve ever had in my life (maybe). And from that moment I thought, “I love chicken salad!”

Well, I got an extended lunch break today, so I decided to go order one. I was soooo excited about it. I knew it would be wonderful and that my day would be better because of it. Sure enough, it was pretty awesome (at first). Unfortunately, after a while my thoughts went from “mmmmm” to “ummm” to “meh”. It just didn’t seem to be as good as I imagined it.

I hate when I “fall in love” with something only to realize my feelings were rather misplaced and immature…

It’s still a good sandwich, though. Some things just aren’t as amazing or as good for you as they seem.

I’m not sure why I bothered to type all that out.

Wow. I just spent 15 minutes analyzing my feelings for a sandwich.

I need a nap.

 

 

Genesis 3:19

“...for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” -Genesis 3:19

This concept has been on my mind for the past few weeks. Granted, it has a lot to do with my recent semi-obsession with the band Kansas and their song, “Dust in the Wind” (a wonderful song…though not quite as awesome as  ”Carry on Wayward Son”…which is basically one of the greatest songs of all time). That group’s talent pretty much blows my mind.

Anywho, “Dust in the Wind” really fits with this post today, so I decided to share the lyrics:

“Dust in the Wind”- Kansas

I close my eyes
Only for a moment and the moment’s gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes with curiosity

Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind

Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind

Now don’t hang on
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money won’t another minute buy

Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind

Hm. Great song.

“All your money won’t another minute buy”…don’t you love when a song not only sounds amazing, but actually has meaning and makes you think?

We are dust, and to dust we shall return. Let’s make the most of the time we’ve been given.

 

 

Matthew 13:19-23

“When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.”- Matthew 13:19-23

This is a picture I took on a trip to Philadelphia back in November ’10. I was browsing through the hundreds of pics I took there, and when I came across this one, I didn’t remember taking it at first. I’ve browsed through those pics several times and still have a ton to edit, but I’m surprised this one never stood out to me before. I really like it. Granted, it’s nothing special and nothing really original. It’s a tree. But, I dunno, I love it for some reason.

I’m sure you can see my thinking for how it can tie in with today’s scripture, and I realize it’s not all that creative…but, I’m ok with that. At least for today.

This scripture really made me reflect on my reactions to the word…it’s scary to see that I’ve responded in pretty much every unfortunate way listed. Am I bearing any fruit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…

There’s definitely room for, um, a lot more of all of those. That’s for sure.

Acts 4:12

“And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”- Acts 4:12

I think this picture fits pretty well with this scripture, don’t you think? Oh, wow. That rhymes: scripture and picture. Maybe that’s what I should title this blog idea. Instead of simply “Bible Photography”….I could call it “Scripture Pictures.” Hm…

Anywho, I really love this picture. There is an original color version, but I prefer the black and white. I really didn’t think this picture would be anything special when I took it, but it has turned out to be one of my favorites. I’ve had an empty 11×14 frame hanging on my wall for the past 6 months because I could never decide on which picture I wanted to put in it, but I’ve made up my mind now. This is the winner!

That’s all I have to say for today. At least for now.